It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
