HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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