The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
