They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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