You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
