Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
