Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
