Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
