you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
