Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
