so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
