Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
