I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
