I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
