Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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