Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
