wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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