Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Randomize
