Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
