That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
