I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
