I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
