some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
