I just made out with a guy for $7.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
