Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
