I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
My vagina just clenched in fear
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