just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
