Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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