So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
