I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
