last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
they need to just BURY HIM!
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Randomize
