just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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