You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
