His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
