Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
