Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
