I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Randomize
