i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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