He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
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At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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