Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
