I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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