My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
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Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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