I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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