she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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