I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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