My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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