Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
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You dont lie about slip and slides
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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