weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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