Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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