i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
