I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
