you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize