I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
