i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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