it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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