Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So vagazzling was a success
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
