i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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