Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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