JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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