Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
