Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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