i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
