So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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