If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize