I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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