I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
