It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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