Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
