ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
