I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
