I think scott just propositioned me for sex
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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