dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Is Oprah even human
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
