I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
